.

75 cartoons about food

Or check out other funny stuff...

Other funny stuff about food

Funny Times May 2016 Issue

May 2016 Issue Cover
Click to enlarge

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons About …
Mother’s Day . Exercise . Artisanal Food .
Election Flashbacks . Marriage . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Samuel Ferri, David Horsey, John Kastner, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Scott Masear, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Mike Shapiro, Drew Sheneman, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Toro, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Dan Wasserman, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy, Adam Zyglis … and lots more!

Continue reading

Funny Times January 2016 Issue

January 2016 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons About …
Politicians . Winter . Food and Drink . Modern Life . and more!

Cartoons by: Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly, Bob Eckstein, Samuel Ferri, David Fitzsimmons, Martha Gradisher, Patrick Hardin, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, David Horsey, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Mary Lawton, Tim Lockley, Scott Masear, Brian McFadden, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Jessica Pruett, Graham Sale, Maria Scrivan, Jen Sorensen, Barbara Smaller, Mark Stivers, Betsy Streeter, Ward Sutton, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, Brad Veley, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Adam Zyglis … and lots more!

Continue reading

Funny Times November 2015 Issue

November 2015 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons About …
Thanksgiving . Legislation . Rock ‘n’ Roll . Students . The Universe . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Lynda Barry, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, Tim Eagan, Samuel Ferri, David Fitzsimmons, Evan Forsch, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, Scott Hilburn, David Horsey, George Jartos, John Kastner, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Tim Lachowski, Julie Larson, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Brian McFadden, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Jen Sorensen, David Sipress, Barbara Smaller, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy, Adam Zyglis … and lots more!

Continue reading

Chicken Fat

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

To many people, the word “schmaltz” connotes cheesy, overly sentimental, artistic slop. Like going to a Norman Rockwell exhibit while listening to Engelbert Humperdinck sing “Feelings.” Continue reading

Funny Times April 2015 Issue

April 2015 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons about:
Spring . Modernity . Parenting . Taxes . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Meg Biddle, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Kevin Carroll, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Samuel Ferri, Anne Gibbons, David Horsey, George Jartos, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Steve Sack, Andy Singer, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Tom Swick, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

Continue reading

Funny Times November 2014 Issue

November 2014 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons about:
Thanksgiving . Opinions . Geniuses . Selfies . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Lynda Barry, Clay Bennett, Meg Biddle, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Daryl Cagle, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, David Fitzsimmons, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Judy Horacek, David Horsey, George Jartos, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Tim Lockley, Scott Masear, Brian McFadden, Chris Monroe, Steve Moore, P.S. Mueller, Mark Parisi, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, Jen Sorensen, Mick Stevens, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Dan Wasserman, Shannon Wheeler, Zippy … and lots more!

Continue reading

Funny Times November 2013 Issue

November 2013 Issue

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons about:
Food . Dating . Dreams . Haircuts . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, Roy Delgado, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, David Horsey, George Jartos, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Tim Lockley, Chris Monroe, Steve Moore, P.S. Mueller, Mark Parisi, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Flash Rosenberg, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Betsy Streeter, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Kim Warp, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

Continue reading

Funny Times December 2011 Issue

Funny Times December 2011 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons about:
OWS . Food . Health Care . Santa . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

Continue reading

Consumed By Food

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

When I think about food, and I think about food a lot, I am usually imagining sitting down at a table with a big plate of it in front of me, ready to harvest, right down my gullet. But nourishment is never so simple. Food consumes me far more than I consume it. Continue reading

Funny Times October 2011 Issue

Funny Times October 2011 Issue Cover

Buy This Issue!

Cartoons about:
Moms . Cars . Debt . Food . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

Continue reading

All That Glitters

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

Wealth is a strange phenomenon. How much am I making and is it more than that twerp who sat in front of me in math class and went on to become the multi-millionaire head of the bank that bankrupted America? Continue reading

Resolutions

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

So you resolved to lose ten pounds this year. But how do those ten pounds feel about that? I mean, right now those ten pounds are as much a part of you as the other hundred and let’s not mention how many other pounds you’re planning on keeping around all year long. Continue reading

Sometimes You Know Just What To Do

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

Sometimes everything falls right into place. The bills automatically pay themselves and the laundry puts itself away. Continue reading

Did You Check On The Chicken?

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

The chicken woke me up. Because what if no one put it away? What if we left it out on the counter all night? Then it probably has got salmonella and it’ll kill all the guests at the family reunion tonight. Continue reading

Advice From My Eight-Year-Old Me

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

Dear Ray,

You’re all grown up now, and have probably forgotten a lot of the things you used to do. But I just want to remind you of some of my favorite stuff, which I hope maybe you’ll take some time to do just because it’s fun and why not enjoy your life even if you are old? Continue reading

Funny Times November 2009 Issue

Funny Times November 2009 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Health . Food . Happiness . Yoga . Beer . Kids . Holidays

Order This Issue!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

The Secret of Happiness
By Garrison Keillor

Planet Proctor
Compiled by Phil Proctor

The Art of Loving Diana
By Bruce Cameron

Beer Compels Man To Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
By Dave Barry

Knock Off The Knockoffs
By Lenore Skenazy

Curmudgeon Looks At High Finance
Compiled by Jon Winokur

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

Weird World Holidays
By Greg Tamblyn

News of the Weird

How Not To Get The Swine Flu
By Will Durst

Greetings from Earth
The Week Contest

By Lenore Skenazy

Joe The Wilson
By Colin McEnroe

Random Thoughts
From 25 to 35-Year Olds

By M.D. Rosenberg

Why It’s Great To Be Chronologically Endowed
By Richard Lederer

The Raymond Lesser Dorm
by Ray Lesser

PLUS:

Happiness Cartoons
Yoga
Men and Beer
News of the Weird
News Cartoons
Money Cartoons
Holidays

Thanksgiving Seating Arrangements

You Are What You Eat? Blecch!

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

So now it turns out that eggs might have melamine in them, too. All I used to know about melamine was that it was the material we chose for our kitchenette cabinets because it was cheaper than the fake wood option, and didn’t look quite as fake. Continue reading

Science Works To Save Us From Our Fat

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

I can hardly keep up with all the new and important research about what makes me so fat, and why it’s not my fault. Scientists have been hard at work in their little gourmet laboratories, cooking up new recipes for ridding the world of plump middle age men, such as myself, and replacing us with lean, mean, calorie processing machines.

Why does gravity seem to increasingly want to have its way with us? No less a scientist than Albert Einstein spent much of his free time pondering this question. Sitting at his post in the Bern patent office one day in 1907, Einstein imagined how an overweight housepainter would experience gravity if he fell off a roof. Records indicate that this housepainter was probably his brother-in-law Frederick, who Einstein had lost a substantial amount to in a card game the previous evening. The physicist’s daydream ended with what he later called his “happiest moment.” He surmised that the unlucky painter would feel momentarily weightless before accelerating to the ground. This clue led Einstein to perhaps his greatest discovery, which he called “The Special Theory of Weight Loss.” This theory laid the foundation for high calorie particle physics as well as modern crash diets.

Recently, Dr. Zane Andrews discovered that the reason most people overeat is that their brains no longer tell them when to stop. Key appetite control cells in the human brain degenerate over time, causing increased hunger and the potential for weight gain as we get older. “People in the age group 25 to 50 are most at risk,” says Dr. Andrews. “The neurons that tell people in this crucial age range not to overeat are being killed off.” So the reason you keep eating until your giant plate is licked clean is not because of the good habits Mom instilled in you as a child (“Finish your potatoes. Don’t you know there are starving children in China?”). It’s the same reason you can’t remember where you parked your car, or what your next door neighbor’s name is. You’re losing your mind.

The obvious solution to this problem is The Alarm Clock Diet. Simply bring your alarm clock to the kitchen table and set it for five minutes less time than you normally take to eat. Keep shaving a minute or two from your allotted dining time until you reach your desired weight, or you throw the alarm clock off the roof. As Einstein discovered: Time flies when you’re losing weight.

Meanwhile, researchers at the Harvard Medical School have been studying brown fat, the good fat that helps fight obesity. Many people believe that no fat is good fat, but it turns out that the evil enemy of the dieter is the white fat cell. This is your basic jiggly, tub of lard type fat that seems to plague us every time we look in the mirror. Brown fat, on the other hand, is the superhero of fat. It is chock full of energy generating mitochondria. Just two pounds of brown fat can burn up 20 percent of a person’s daily calorie intake. “It’s basically a fire that’s just burning,” says researcher Bruce Spiegelman. Scientists have discovered a protein that could trigger cells in the body that usually produce white fat to make brown fat instead. Several mice injected with this protein have already gone on to careers as models for the Minnie Mouse Glamour Agency. The difficulty researchers are facing is that the protein also stimulates bone formation. The lab is trying to work out conditions that could encourage the development of brown fat without forming bone tissue in undesired locations. “Otherwise,” says a researcher, “you could have rock hard abs, but not in the way you’d expected.”

Another exciting study is going on at the Salk Institute of Biological Studies, where mice are living the couch potato’s dream. “We have exercise in a pill,” said Ron Evans, an author of the study. That’s right, pop a pill called AICAR and get all the benefits of exercise without a second at the gym. Mice who took this pill for four weeks burned more calories and had less fat than untreated mice. They could also run 44 percent farther on a treadmill. Why the pill would turn a couch mouse into a distance runner is still a mystery. “Honestly,” said Evans, “I think that it’s a small miracle it happened at all.” But does this pill have the potential to change the way we view diet and exercise? Would people really opt for a daily pill instead of a rigorous daily workout and diet routine? Is the Pope chubby?

Finally, and most importantly, Harvard medical scientists have discovered that cocoa flavanols, the unique compounds found naturally in cocoa, increase blood flow to the brain. Study participants who regularly drank a cocoa rich beverage had a 10 percent brain blood flow increase after two weeks. Scientists believe that maintaining an increased blood flow to the brain could slow the effects of dementia and other age-related blood vessel dysfunction.

So, in summary, you’re getting so old you can’t stop yourself from eating, but pretty soon you’ll be able to get (brown) fat so you won’t have to. You’ll also be able to take your exercise in pill form, and spend more time on the couch drinking cocoa so that your brain stays sharp and you’ll remember not to overeat in the first place. So stop worrying about dieting, because science is taking care of all your problems for you. Now, can I have my chocolate cake and eat yours too?

Funny Times June 2008 Issue

Funny Times June 2008 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Gardens . Funny Times Cartoon Playground . Food . Birds

Order This Issue!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

On History’s Cutting Edge
by Dave Barry

Why It’s Better To Wed Later
by Susan Shapiro

Observations From The Back Of The Line
by Garrison Keillor

The Borowitz Report
by Andy Borowitz

Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride The Subway Alone
by Lenore Skenazy

Bathroom People
by Colin McEnroe

Cornland
by P.S. Mueller

Curmudgeon comments on youth

Fathers, Dancers, and Stand-Up Comedians
by Craig Idlebrook

The Horror
by Sean Ellis

News Of The Weird
collected by Chuck Shepherd

Graduation Speeches
by Conan O’Brien, Jon Stewart, Will Farrell and others

Family History
by Ray Lesser

Harper’s Index

Ask Dr. Science

 

current cartoon

Why Are My Friends Making Me Fat?

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

A study recently published in the New England Journal of Medicine confirmed what I’d already suspected; my friends are making me fat. Researchers reported that obesity can spread from person to person, much like a virus. When a person gains weight, friends also tend to gain weight. Close friends are especially contagious and what’s worse, you don’t even have to live near them for their obesity to affect you. Even if your friend lives hundreds of miles away, if they get fat, your chances of popping the buttons on your trousers is tripled.

According to The New York Times, “The investigators say their findings can help explain why Americans have become fatter in recent years — each person who became obese was likely to drag some friends with them.”

Now look, friends, it was one thing when we were teenagers and you dragged me off to some muddy field to see an out-of-tune rock band with blown speakers massacring Bo Diddley songs. Sure, we all got sick from the communal free food, or maybe it was the communal pipe, but at least we met those nurses from Kalamazoo.

Then, when we were much older, you dragged me to that cigar and single-malt scotch bar, where we proceeded to spend ridiculous amounts of money to come home smelling so much like a guerrilla army that our wives made us sleep with the dogs. Not to mention that I woke up with a hangover so bad that I threatened to kill the next door neighbor’s 12-year-old kid for mowing his lawn.

Fortunately, no permanent damage was ever done (unless you count what happened in 11th grade to Mr. Fesselworth’s car). But this obesity thing you’ve dragged me into is changing everything I do and think. You invite me to your parties, and instead of having a case of beer and a bag of chips that gets eaten before I get there, like when we were younger, you’ve got a spread with six different kinds of French cheese, appetizers, dips, nuts, smoked fish, casseroles, soups, fresh baked breads and butters and then a whole other dessert buffet with pies, cakes, candy, ice-cream, whipped cream, coffee and cream. We talk and eat, and laugh and eat, and make music and eat, and drink and eat. Just when I think I’m finally finished eating, someone arrives with another steaming dish of au-gratin potatoes, or homemade brownies that we have to taste. Have you noticed that each friend who arrives late weighs a little more than the friend who came before them? In the parade of fat, fatter, fattest, the latecomers are taking longer and longer just to waddle out the door, and cram themselves into their increasingly bigger cars, vans, SUVs and super-sized SUVs.

And don’t try to tell me that my fat is my responsibility. It’s obviously your fault, because you got fat before I did. Or maybe it was Fred, or possibly Kevin, but I’m sure it couldn’t have been me. In fact, if we would all get together (my house, Saturday night pot-luck, the theme is Hawaiian Luau) we could decide who was originally responsible for getting us all fat, and nip and tuck this thing in the bud. Because the obesity researchers found out something else – if your friends lose weight, you tend to lose weight, as well. If Fred was the original fatty, we could grab him and ship him off to a fat farm until he works off all of our beer-bellies. If that doesn’t work we’ll make him try something more radical – pills, liposuction, stomach staples – whatever it takes to make us all skinny again.

Maybe we could talk this over at lunch tomorrow. There’s a place near where I work that serves the best onion rings I’ve ever tasted. There’s got to be something we can do, other than dieting, which we know never works. We’ve tried diets, and no matter how good they sound, or how high they go on the best seller list, they never work for us. The problem with dieting is that, instead of thinking about food less, you begin to think about it more. You become obsessed with food. You start counting and measuring every single calorie and morsel of delight. Meals last even longer because it takes time to prepare delicious low-fat, healthy food. You chew each bite 20 or 30 or 40 times to get every iota of taste out of it. You spend hours more ambling up and down the aisles of the grocery store, or the farmer’s market, or Benny’s all-you-can-eat salad bar, looking for every succulent delicacy that won’t make you fat. Even after all that, you’re still hungry. In fact, you’re always hungry, because you don’t wait until you feel stuffed to stop eating. So you’re incredibly starved before a meal, and still hungry when the food on the plate has disappeared.

Exercising never works, either. Exercising just makes you hungrier. After you exercise you can eat twice as much. Pretty soon, you’re exercising more, just so you can eat more. Gradually, slowly, unbearably, you finally lose one or two, or maybe even three pounds. Then you twist your ankle, or wrench you knee, and you can’t work out for a week. But you can still eat twice as much, because your stomach has gotten all stretched out from the exercising, and in two days you’ve gained back everything you’ve lost, and in a week you’ve gained 10 pounds. That’s what exercise does for you.

I know there’s got to be an answer somewhere. If we can’t get our fat friends to lose weight for us, maybe we just need to make new skinny friends. I wonder how many skinny friends it would take to counteract all the fat friends we already have? Help me figure this out first thing tomorrow at the coffee shop on Lee Road. They’ve got the most amazing sticky buns.

The “I’ll Be The Dog” Diet

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

“I will not order the cheeseburger and fries, I will not order the cheeseburger and fries” my friend George begins chanting to himself, as we survey the specials board at our local lunch dive.

“Are you trying to diet again?” I ask, watching George’s head swivel as a platter of steaming barbecued ribs goes by.”I know I need to eat healthier, I keep telling myself that all day. But then comes the thirty seconds when it’s time to actually order lunch and all my willpower breaks down. If I can just master my mind for those few seconds, I’m sure I can lose weight.”

“You’re not trying one of those fad diets again, are you?”

“The South Beach Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Russian Air Force Diet”

“What was the Russian Air Force diet?”

“The food was so bad, that it was impossible to overeat. It was also impossible to stick to the diet.”

“I hate to remind you of this, but the secret to losing weight is really pretty simple,” and George joins me in reciting our ultimate weight loss tip, “Eat less and exercise more!”

“That sounds so easy,” George says. “Why can’t we come up with a diet explaining that and make millions selling it to people?”

“I don’t think we’d be very good examples of how well our diet and exercise ideas work,” I say, trying to rub out a charlie-horse I’ve gotten from balancing all my weight on one leg.

“My problem is my upbringing,” complains George. “I was raised to feel guilty if I didn’t clean my plate. The starving children of China always cast a pall over family dinner. So, not only do I eat everything on my plate, I can’t stand it when my kids leave perfectly good food on their plates. I always wind up finishing it for them.”

“Maybe you should get a dog.” I suggest. “Then the leftovers won’t go to waste, plus you could burn off calories walking the dog.”

“My wife is allergic to dogs, and besides, the food the kids don’t eat is much too good to waste on a dog. How about I’ll be the dog. I won’t take any food on my own plate, I’ll just sit and watch my kids eat, then my dinner will be whatever is still left on their plates.”

“You can call it the “I’ll Be the Dog Diet.” What the heck, it sounds worth a try and it’s sure to be cheaper than getting a dog.”

“I’ll buy myself a collar and take myself for walks.”

“Just keep your paws off the mailman.”

A few days later I ask George if he’s tried out his new diet idea. “Yeah, I took the boys to McDonald’s for dinner after baseball practice last night. I just ordered a drink and sat with my tongue hanging out and my tail wagging, waiting for their leftovers. I kept begging, “Are you done with that hamburger, yet? Are you gonna finish all those fries?” I couldn’t believe it, they ate every last bite. I went to bed so hungry, even a bowl of kibble would have tasted good. I’m gonna have to rethink this diet.”

A couple of days later he tells me his new strategy. “I started making food that I thought the kids would hate. Things like spinach salad and spicy Indian curry. That way, I figured there’d be plenty left over for me.”

“What happened?”

“Turns out the kids love spicy food. They ate it all up and asked for seconds. There wasn’t even anything left to lick in the pot on the stove. Plenty of leftover spinach salad, though.”

“So, the “I’ll Be the Dog Diet” is working!”

“Maybe I should try combining it with the Atkins diet. I won’t eat anything but meat that’s fallen on the floor.”

“Would you like me to buy you a rawhide bone to gnaw on, when you get hungry?”

The next time George and I go to lunch I ask again about his diet.

“I’m excited,” he says. “I’m down below 220. According to my doctor, that would be my ideal weight, if I were 7’6″ tall.”

“So really, you have two choices: You can either lose more weight, or you can grow taller.”

“I’m thinking of buying a pair of those gravity boots, that you hang upside down in. Or maybe I’ll go into the clinic for traction.”

“I don’t suppose you want to go someplace for burgers today?”

“Whatever you like; I think I’ll just keep you company. Then afterward maybe you can walk me over to the park and I’ll chase the squirrels and pigeons for a while.”