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26 cartoons about sex

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Other funny stuff about sex

Funny Times August 2015 Issue

Funny Times August 2015 Issue

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Cartoons About …
Summer . Medicine . Recycling . Dogs . Aging . Indulging . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Patrick Hardin, Buddy Hickerson, Jeff Hobbs, George Jartos, John Kastner, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Brian McFadden, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Dan Wasserman, Shannon Wheeler, Zippy … and lots more!

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Funny Times November 2012 Issue

Funny Times November 2012 issue cover

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Cartoons about:
Election 2012 . Sex Ed . Horticulture . Felines . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

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Funny Times August 2012 Issue

Funny Times August 2012 Issue Cover

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Cartoons about:
Art . Sex . Camping . Mittens . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

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Funny Times April 2011 Issue

Funny Times April 2011 Issue cover

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Cartoons about:
Fairy Tales . Earth Day . Revolution . Taxes . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

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Survival Of The Sexiest

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

Anyone who has ever been to the zoo and seen a peacock strutting around, displaying the full regalia of his tail feathers has surely been amazed at the lengths that the male of a species will go to try to get laid. But the peacock is no accident of nature. His tail feathers have evolved over millions of years to become bigger, brighter, and more hypnotizing because in each generation of peacocks, those with the most spectacular plumage were the ones who wound up having hot dates with the most peahens.

Although scientists have tried valiantly to come up with alternate explanations for why peacocks have developed such a sensationally cumbersome tail, none makes as much sense as Darwin’s theory of sexual selection. Lugging around a huge iridescent tail does not seem to be an advantage in any other way for the poor peacock. It is a glaring advertisement to his predators, and its heavy and unwieldy nature makes it much more difficult for him to escape from them once he’s been spotted. The tail also requires a great deal more energy to grow and to keep clean and attractive. But as long as more chicks dig his tail, the advantage of beauty will be enough to outweigh the disadvantage of the increased likelihood of becoming a tiger’s lunch.

Some scientists believe that there is a close parallel between the peacock’s tail and an organ of man that has also grown bigger and bigger in order to be more attractive to the opposite sex. In no other species has this organ grown large and unwieldy to the point where it becomes more likely that it will get its owner killed. It may surprise you to find that man’s most important sexually selected organ is our brain. As evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller argues, our brain “is largely a courtship device to attract and retain sexual mates. Its specific evolutionary function is to stimulate and entertain other people, and to assess the stimulation attempts of others.” Miller believes that many aspects of human behavior, such as art, music, and dance, have little survival value. Yet surveys of both men and women consistently place such traits as a sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, and interesting personality above even wealth and beauty in lists of what we value most when searching for a mate. What most humans find sexy and alluring are people with fantastic brains.

Each successive generation of our ancestors had to become a little more clever in order to outwit their competitors in the mating pool. They needed to remember more interesting stories, sing more beautiful songs, or tell funnier knock-knock jokes. Some members of every generation would come up with new tricks for attracting the opposite sex: more alluring make-up, fashionable clothing, intriguing games, romantic poetry, delicious cooking skills, anything they could use their increasingly heavy brains to think of.

Our brains grew so large that, unlike in any other primate species, they often killed our mothers during childbirth. Naturally, these branches of the family died off, leaving only the wide-hipped mothers who were able to bear our big-brained ancestors. Why do men love wide-hipped women so much? Because we unconsciously know they will provide plenty of room for our big-brained children. Shake-shake your bootie!

Unfortunately, one of the side effects of having such a big sexy brain is that it seems increasingly likely to get us all killed. Unlike the peacock, who has to worry about only a few predators eating it before its time, every man must consider the possibility that any one of billions of his fellow men might come up with some harebrained scheme that will end all life as we know it. Besides using our brains for the admirable goal of finding the healthiest, funniest, most interesting mate, we have also used it extensively to figure out new and better ways to kill off our competition. This competition has included practically every other species on the planet, as well as man himself.

But the fact that witty, creative people turn us on has also led to some wonderful side effects. For every George Clooney and Marilyn Monroe, we’ve also inherited an Albert Einstein and Madame Curie. For every surgeon doing breast implants or facelifts there are hundreds repairing broken bones. Since we’re stuck with this relic of evolution we may as well do our best to enjoy it. So chill the champagne, light the candles, put on some romantic music, and have an all night intertwining of your hearts, your bodies, and, especially, your minds.

A CEO’s Secrets of Power

By Ray Lesser

ray-lesser-photo

Recently I was asked to be on a panel at the local university about the topic “What’s it like to be a CEO?” Members of the panel included the chairman of a technology company with a market cap of over $250 million, a woman who sold her thermoplastic start-up last year for multi-millions and just founded a new company to develop improved rechargeable batteries, the head of a biotech firm that is developing proprietary stem cell based therapies targeted for the treatment of ischemia, and me, President of Funny Times. The audience was filled with the kind of students I had never come across when I was in college struggling to get my B.A. in General Studies: graduate business majors dressed in suits and ties, with clipboards and briefcases, looking for all the world like the masters of the universe they intended to someday be. Here are some of the secrets of power I might have shared with them, if they had bothered to ask me any questions:

Before you can conquer the world, you must first figure out how to get your children to go to school.

For me the most difficult part in becoming a successful CEO has been to get up super-early every morning, in order to allow enough time to rouse, prod, cajole, coerce, beg, and bribe my children to get up and go to school. I recommend that anyone who wants to be a CEO be required to take at least a one semester course where they are forced to live with two or three elementary school age kids, and see if they can successfully wash, dress, feed, organize, motivate, lunch pack, crisis solve (and there’s guaranteed to be some crisis EVERY morning), get them out the door and still make their 9 am Strategic Planning seminar. If you have the mettle to successfully pass this test (and make sure that the kids pass all their tests), then you might have what it takes to control the markets in Europe or China. And believe me, China doesn’t scream half as loud as a five-year-old who doesn’t want to go to school.

Your employees know more than you do, they’re just afraid to tell you.

Whenever there is a really bad problem, the boss is the last person to know. But this is usually for the best because if he knew he’d just freak out, and find a way to delay coming up with a workable solution. Ninety-five percent of all business disasters get solved before the boss is any the wiser. The remaining 5 percent are probably unsolvable, but working on them makes us bosses feel as though we’re doing something important.

The customer is always right, except when he’s a real jerk.

To be successful in business you’ve got to do everything you can to keep the customer satisfied. But with some people, that’s not good enough. Maybe these few people are just not destined to be your customers. Let them be somebody else’s customers, preferably your competitors’. The more time your competition has to spend dealing with these jerks, the less time they’ll have to try to steal your nice customers.

Hire other people to do the jobs that you don’t want to do.

There are reasons why you don’t want to do some jobs. Maybe you were never any good at fixing the toilet or maybe you’ve fixed it so many times that you’d rather mop up the floor after it overflows, just to break up the monotony. When a job stops being fun, or at least interesting, it’s time to let someone else have a turn at it. You’ll be happy to do something else, and they’ll be happy to have a job.

Don’t surf the Internet until one hour after eating.

The Internet can be a dangerous place, and many people who have failed to take this warning have gotten severe cramps, or worse, were attacked by the sharks who prey on drowsy surfers.

Your loyal customers are the best ads that money can’t buy.

You want your company to be appreciated for who you really are and what you actually do, not some slick concept worked up by the minds of an ad agency. If you can fool customers with great advertising, then you wind up with customers who are fools. On the other hand, since most people don’t expect honesty in business anymore, if your company practices it, your customers will be so amazed they’ll want to tell all their friends about you.

Sometimes it’s better to lay down on the ground than fall off the ladder.

Richard Nixon once said, “A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.” And then he quit. Some people think they have to incessantly keep climbing the ladder of success, or else they’ll never attain their goals. But if your ladder isn’t properly secured and there’s a windstorm, or a special prosecutor with lots of witnesses, you may be destined to fall back to earth with a painful thud. Not everyone is destined to climb to the top. And laying on the grass staring up at the clouds can be quite a pleasant experience if you don’t fall off a rickety ladder to arrive there.

Footprints on the sands of time are not made by sitting down. And the same goes for footprints on the copy machine.

I’m not exactly sure why this is good advice, but I like saying it anyway. I’ve never actually seen footprints on our Funny Times copier, but since I have seen the kind of prints that come from sitting down, nothing would surprise me.