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Funny Times October 2016 Issue

Funny Times October 2016
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Cartoons About …
Marriage . Music . Halloween . Conspiracy Theories . and more!

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Cartoons by: Daniel Beyer, Bizarro, Meg Biddle, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Martha Gradisher, Nicole Hollander, David Horsey, Ham Khan, Randy Klutts, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Scott Masear, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Drew Panckeri, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Leigh Rubin, Graham Sale, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy . . . and lots more!

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Anxiety

By Ray Lesser

I spend a lot of time worrying about my anxiety. I’m only trying to quiet my disquietude, or apprehend my apprehension, or wrestle with my restlessness, or, can we just talk about something else? This is making me anxious. Continue reading

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Funny Times October 2015 Issue

October 2015 Issue Cover

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Cartoons About …
Media . Anniversaries . Friendship . Home Improvement . Wildlife . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Lynda Barry, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Samuel Ferri, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, Nicole Hollander, George Jartos, John Kastner, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Nina Paley, Joel Pett, Hilary Price, Andy Singer, Jen Sorensen, Barbara Smaller, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Bob Vojtko, Shannon Wheeler, Chris Wildt, Zippy, Adam Zyglis … and lots more!

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Funny Times July 2015 Issue

July 2015 Issue Cover

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Cartoons About …
America . Celebrities . Marriage . Parenting . The Good Old Days . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Meg Biddle, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, Jeff Hobbs, David Horsey, George Jartos, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Jean Sorensen, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

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Funny Times February 2015 Issue

February 2015 Issue Cover

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Cartoons about:
2014 . Valentines . Illness . Aging . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Matt Bors, Ruben Bolling, Martin Bucella, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, Derf, J.C. Duffy, Samuel Ferri, Anne Gibbons, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, David Horsey, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Flash Rosenberg, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Swick, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, Tom Toro, P.C. Vey, Dan Wasserman, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker … and lots more!

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WakeUpAndLaugh

Aches And Pains

By Ray Lesser

When you’re young, you sometimes get hurt roughhousing, KA-BANG… OwwwCH! It hurts so bad you cry like a baby, even if you’re 10, but then in a minute or two you scrape yourself off the ground and start pushing each other into garbage cans all over again until the next accident. Continue reading

Funny Times May 2010 Issue

Funny Times May 2010 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Tea Party . Mother’s Day . Gardens . Spring . Health Reform . Animals . Art . Thinking . Money . Work . Fast Food . Kids

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Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

It’s Just A Matter Of (Free) Time
By Garrison Keillor

What Do Moms Really Want?
A Chance To Be Imperfect

By Lenore Skenazy

Attention Tension
By Jean Sorensen

Bob’s Garden: An Exercise In Fruitility
By Saralee Perel

The People’s Republic Of America
By William Brown

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

A Leap In Cow Control
By Dave Barry

Art Colony
By Andrei Codrescu

This Is Your Brain On Level 3
By Bruce Cameron

French Fast Food Restaurants
The Week Contest

By Lenore Skenazy

Advice From My Eight-Year-Old Me
by Raymond Lesser

PLUS:

Spring Cartoons
Ruminations
Lots of News Cartoons
News of the Weird
Harper’s Index
Cartoon Playground
Planet Proctor
Plus full pages of cartoons — Mother’s Day, Gardens, Health Reform, Animals, and more

Brain Center Inbox

Funny Times January 2010 Issue

Funny Times January 2010 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Love Thy Neighbor . Winter . Money . Family . Ads . Health . Self-Improvement . Fame

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Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

New Year, New You … New Hogwash
By Saralee Perel

Republican Senators Need An Exchange of Peace
By Garrison Keillor

Winter Sports Without Fear
By Dave Barry

Curmudgeon Looks at Washington, D.C.

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

Writers of the Purple Page
by Bruce Cameron

Why Do You Think They Call it a “Snow Job”?
By Lenore Skenazy

Making it Right With Oprah
By Tom Bodett

The Reports of My Death Are Slightly True
By Colin McEnroe

Once In A Blue Moon
How To Make New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

by Ray Lesser

PLUS:

Planet Proctor
News of the Weird
Harper’s Index
Ruminations
Cartoon Playground
The Week Contest
Plus full pages of Money and Holiday Party Cartoons

Forgotten cooties vaccination

Orin_FunnyStuffGiftshop

Funny Times November 2009 Issue

Funny Times November 2009 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Health . Food . Happiness . Yoga . Beer . Kids . Holidays

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Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

The Secret of Happiness
By Garrison Keillor

Planet Proctor
Compiled by Phil Proctor

The Art of Loving Diana
By Bruce Cameron

Beer Compels Man To Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
By Dave Barry

Knock Off The Knockoffs
By Lenore Skenazy

Curmudgeon Looks At High Finance
Compiled by Jon Winokur

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

Weird World Holidays
By Greg Tamblyn

News of the Weird

How Not To Get The Swine Flu
By Will Durst

Greetings from Earth
The Week Contest

By Lenore Skenazy

Joe The Wilson
By Colin McEnroe

Random Thoughts
From 25 to 35-Year Olds

By M.D. Rosenberg

Why It’s Great To Be Chronologically Endowed
By Richard Lederer

The Raymond Lesser Dorm
by Ray Lesser

PLUS:

Happiness Cartoons
Yoga
Men and Beer
News of the Weird
News Cartoons
Money Cartoons
Holidays

Thanksgiving Seating Arrangements

Funny Times August 2009 Issue

Funny Times August 2009 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Summer Camp . Vacations . Health . Relationships . Hell

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Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

On Fair Footing
By Garrison Keillor

Staycation Fun
By Will Durst

Kids in a Bunk — Parents in a Funk
By Lenore Skenazy

The Borowitz Report
By Andy Borowitz

Name That Syndrome
By Colin McEnroe

Never Lick Anything at a Crime Scene
By Wendy Parker

Tom Bodett’s Laptop
By Tom Bodett

Feeling Flat
By Bruce Cameron

Your Inner Fish
by Ray Lesser

Curmudgeon Looks At Boredom

PLUS:

Summertime Cartoons
News of the Weird
News Cartoons
Relationships Cartoons
Harper’s Index
New Playground Cartoons
Evolution Cartoons

Happy Kids Day Care

Funny Times February 2009 Issue

Funny Times February 2009 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Psychics . Alternative Health . Cartoon Playground

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Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

How An Airplane Toilet Can Ruin Your Life
by Garrison Keillor

Ice Dams
by Colin McEnroe
Bailing Out Of 2008 — Year In Review
by Dave Barry

Top 10 Comedic News Stories Of 2008
by Will Durst
2008’s Funniest Political Moments
by Daniel Kurtzman

Help! I’ve fallen behind and I can’t catch up!
by Jitterbug

Bad-Breath Boy
by Bruce Cameron

Reading The Tea Leaves At Starbucks
by Lenore Skenazy

The Borowitz Report
by Andy Borowitz

News of the Weird
collected by Chuck Shepherd

A Great Depression Goes Off Its Meds
by Ray Lesser

Curmudgeon Looks At Aging

PLUS:

Psychics Cartoons
Ask Dr. Science
Planet Proctor
Alternative Health Cartoons
Harper’s Index
Cartoon Playground

Warp cartoon - downsized vacation

Funny Times August 2008 Issue

Funny Times August 2008 issue cover

Cartoons about:
Bugs . Funny Times Cartoon Playground . Health . Summer

Order This Issue!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Bruce Bolinger, Dave Coverly, Derf, Tim Eagan, Bob Eckstein, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Peter Kuper, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

 

In This Issue:

Eulogy for the Winnebago
by Garrison Keillor

Do Dogs Really Need Diet Pills?
by Lenore Skenazy

Not 2 Fast, Not 2 Furious
by Dave Barry

In The Words Of George Carlin

McBush
by Will Durst

North Of God
by Bil Lepp

Just Visiting This Planet
by Agnieszka Stachura

Sitting Pretty
by Jean Sorensen

News Of The Weird
collected by Chuck Shepherd

Curmudgeon looks at optimism and pessimism

My Heavy Books
by Andrei Codrescu

Canus Minor And Other Dim Lights
by Tom Bodett

Mom’s Guide To Life
by Ray Lesser

Harper’s Index

Ask Dr. Science

 

current cartoon

The Transfathead Tax

By Ray Lesser

Don’t look now, but the government is trying to outlaw doughnuts! Lawmakers in California, which already prohibits public smoking, are now considering proposals to ban grocery stores from selling products, like cookies and doughnuts, that contain trans fats. Another proposal would ban trans fats at restaurants statewide.

“If we really, truly are conscious of the health care crisis, it’s not just about buying you health insurance. It’s about eliminating those factors that contribute to your poor health,” said Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia of Cathedral City. “Our budget is being hammered,” said California Sen. Tom Torlakson. “And these health costs are preventable if we were on a better diet, getting rid of the trans fats and the deep-fried food.”

But many restaurant owners are incensed at the idea of the state telling them what ingredients they’re allowed to use in their recipes. “It’s a slippery slope because what’s next? Butter? Bacon? Lard?” said California Restaurant Association President Jot Condie.

Maybe passing laws that try to force people to eat extra virgin olive oil instead of extra greasy fried eggs is the wrong approach. Most Americans believe in freedom of choice, whether that choice is trying to live to be 100 by spending five hours a day on a treadmill, or trying to obliterate all memories of your miserable treadmill-like job each night by chain-smoking unfiltered cigarettes and knocking back shots of Jack Daniels.

Forcing us to eat what is good for us never worked too well for Mom, and it’s even less likely to work for the California Bureau of Fats, Lipids, and Pie Crusts. Instead, I suggest that if the government really wants Americans to change their behavior, they should introduce the Transfathead Tax. Stop taxing things that are good for you, like earning a paycheck, and start making super-sized consumers pay more taxes on all the things that are bad for you, and the rest of the planet.

So you want another double bacon cheeseburger, onion rings, and creamy cow-substance shake? Go ahead, that’ll be $4.99 plus a Transfathead Tax of $27.95 to cover the increased burdens on society to eventually pay for your diabetes medicine and quadruple bypass surgery, not to mention the environmental degradation caused by industrial farming, feedlot wastes, the destruction of tropical rainforests, and the additional gasoline you’ll need to haul your fat ass around in an SUV, because you can’t fit in a normal car seat.

A Transfathead Tax could also be collected on other detrimental and self-destructive behaviors. For example, if you don’t want to put your fat head inside a helmet while you’re motorcycling home from the bar, you shouldn’t have to. Just fork over the annual $17,987 fee to help cover costs when the State eventually needs to spoon-feed you oatmeal and applesauce in the Easy Rider long-term care facility for Macho Morons.

Governments have already found how successfully bad behavior can contribute to the bottom line with taxes on tobacco and alcohol, along with state lotteries, the ultimate tax on people who flunked math. (“Let’s see, my odds of winning are 100 million to one, that means I’ll be the one to win 100 million!”) But the problem with these taxes is that they fall disproportionately on the working poor. Instead, if we tax bad behaviors so much that only rich people can afford them, then only rich people will pay taxes. For example, in Denmark, the tax to own a car is almost as much as the car costs. The more expensive the car, the more expensive the tax. Because they can’t afford this, almost nobody below the age of 35 owns a car, they get around on bikes. So there’s less traffic, less pollution, and better health for everyone, especially all those bike-riders.

In the U.S. we could do the same thing by charging huge cars and mansions the transfathead tax. If your head is so swollen that you think you need 15 rooms and a swimming pool for you and your hunting dogs, along with four Maseratis to show off your driving ability, then you can certainly afford to pay society for the privilege of squandering our shared resources.

And can anyone logically explain to me why our governments don’t tax the biggest cash crop in the country? The annual market value of American-raised marijuana is over $35 billion, far more than any of the three leading agri-business crops: corn, soybeans, or hay. Anyone who can afford to pay over $200 an ounce to get high can certainly afford to chip in the few extra bucks it’ll take to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, to keep out all that cheap, low-class Columbian, Panamanian, and Mexican weed, and help protect the jobs of some of the only successful family farmers we have left in America: dope growers.

Perhaps governments should also have to pay a Transfathead Tax. If you want to buy bombs and invade other countries you should have to pay a tax to the United Nations that will cover the cost of rebuilding all the houses and businesses that the bombs are going to destroy, in addition to the long term medical care of all the innocent people who get caught in your crossfire. Maybe if the true cost of each gun, bullet and bomb had to be paid for up-front, no government could ever afford to buy them.

Alas, the Transfathead Tax is probably just a pipedream. Knowing how government usually works, the best thing you can probably do right now is to go out to your local doughnut shop, and buy a dozen chocolate glazed. Maybe even get an extra dozen to stash in the freezer. Because, when doughnuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have doughnuts.