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Funny Times February 2017 Issue

February 2017 Issue Cover
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Cartoons About 
2016 in Review . Money . Valentine’s Day . Coloring Books . Teeth . and more!

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With cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Daniel Beyer, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Ruben Bolling, Matt Bors, David Cohen, Jack Compère, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Tim Eagan, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, Jeff Hobbs, Keith Knight, Ken Krimstein, Tim Lachowski, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Brian McFadden, P.S. Mueller, Jack Ohman, Drew Panckeri, Joel Pett, Rina Piccolo, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Maria Scrivan, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Matt Wuerker, Zippy . . . and lots more!

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First Impressions

By Ray Lesser


The first thing I noticed about Gracie was her eyes. One was green and one was blue, kind of like she couldn’t make up her mind, so she was trying out both of them to see which one she liked better. It was hard to look straight at her without getting cross-eyed myself. In some people this eye thing would be a flaw, but it only added to her magnificence. She had such a bright style and a commanding way of presenting herself, she radiated good vibes to the point where I felt like I’d just stepped out of the sauna after a full body massage. Continue reading


No Exaggeration

No Exaggeration

It is no exaggeration for me to say you have made my life better.
Thank you so much for Funny Times.

Jane S.

Fred The Bear

Fred The Bear

If a bear reads Funny Times and no one is there, can you still hear him laughing?


Magic Michael

Magic Michael

And the debate rages on:  read Funny Times or practice magic?

Bird Cage Liner

Bird Cage Liner

Well, at least they’re recycling!


To Truly Achieve LOL …

Achieve LOL

Zen humor!

Fuzzy Times

Fuzzy Times

We’ve got some of the most ingenious and creative subscribers!

Three More Years!

Cannot Resist

How do you like your Funny Times? … All at once or one serving at a time?

Phasing Out of Existence

Phasing Out

The best reason for not renewing we’ve ever heard!

The Dog Ate My FT

Dog Ate FT

We’re inclined to believe that excuse this time!

Disrespectful of the Government

Disrespectful of the Government

… Meanwhile, several gift subscriptions are sent to the White House every month!

Ex-Husband’s Renewal Notice

Ex-Husband's Renewal Notice

… And this poor subscriber got her ex-husband’s gift renewal notice.

Funny Times February 2015 Issue

February 2015 Issue Cover

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Cartoons about:
2014 . Valentines . Illness . Aging . and more!

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Matt Bors, Ruben Bolling, Martin Bucella, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, Derf, J.C. Duffy, Samuel Ferri, Anne Gibbons, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Buddy Hickerson, David Horsey, George Jartos, John Jonik, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Chris Monroe, P.S. Mueller, Joel Pett, K.A. Polzin, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Flash Rosenberg, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, Barbara Smaller, Jen Sorensen, Mark Stivers, Ward Sutton, Tom Swick, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, Tom Toro, P.C. Vey, Dan Wasserman, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker … and lots more!

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Funny Times December 2014 Issue

December 2014 Issue Cover

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Cartoons about:
Holidays . Relationships . Dentists . Obesity . and more

Cartoons by: Isabella Bannerman, Lynda Barry, Clay Bennett, Bizarro, Harry Bliss, Matt Bors, Martin Bucella, Jon Carter, Tom Cheney, Dave Coverly, J.C. Duffy, Bob Eckstein, Samuel Ferri, Randy Glasbergen, Martha Gradisher, Jeff Hobbs, Nicole Hollander, David Horsey, George Jartos, Ham Khan, Keith Knight, L.J. Kopf, Mary Lawton, Carol Lay, Heather McAdams, Chris Monroe, Carlos Montage, Steve Moore, P.S. Mueller, Mark Parisi, Joel Pett, Hilary Price, Ted Rall, Flash Rosenberg, Maria Scrivan, Andy Singer, David Sipress, Jen Sorensen, Mick Stevens, Mark Stivers, Tom Swick, Tom Toles, Tom Tomorrow, P.C. Vey, Kim Warp, Shannon Wheeler, Matt Wuerker, Zippy … and lots more!

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Survival Of The Sexiest

By Ray Lesser

Anyone who has ever been to the zoo and seen a peacock strutting around, displaying the full regalia of his tail feathers has surely been amazed at the lengths that the male of a species will go to try to get laid. But the peacock is no accident of nature. His tail feathers have evolved over millions of years to become bigger, brighter, and more hypnotizing because in each generation of peacocks, those with the most spectacular plumage were the ones who wound up having hot dates with the most peahens.

Although scientists have tried valiantly to come up with alternate explanations for why peacocks have developed such a sensationally cumbersome tail, none makes as much sense as Darwin’s theory of sexual selection. Lugging around a huge iridescent tail does not seem to be an advantage in any other way for the poor peacock. It is a glaring advertisement to his predators, and its heavy and unwieldy nature makes it much more difficult for him to escape from them once he’s been spotted. The tail also requires a great deal more energy to grow and to keep clean and attractive. But as long as more chicks dig his tail, the advantage of beauty will be enough to outweigh the disadvantage of the increased likelihood of becoming a tiger’s lunch.

Some scientists believe that there is a close parallel between the peacock’s tail and an organ of man that has also grown bigger and bigger in order to be more attractive to the opposite sex. In no other species has this organ grown large and unwieldy to the point where it becomes more likely that it will get its owner killed. It may surprise you to find that man’s most important sexually selected organ is our brain. As evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller argues, our brain “is largely a courtship device to attract and retain sexual mates. Its specific evolutionary function is to stimulate and entertain other people, and to assess the stimulation attempts of others.” Miller believes that many aspects of human behavior, such as art, music, and dance, have little survival value. Yet surveys of both men and women consistently place such traits as a sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, and interesting personality above even wealth and beauty in lists of what we value most when searching for a mate. What most humans find sexy and alluring are people with fantastic brains.

Each successive generation of our ancestors had to become a little more clever in order to outwit their competitors in the mating pool. They needed to remember more interesting stories, sing more beautiful songs, or tell funnier knock-knock jokes. Some members of every generation would come up with new tricks for attracting the opposite sex: more alluring make-up, fashionable clothing, intriguing games, romantic poetry, delicious cooking skills, anything they could use their increasingly heavy brains to think of.

Our brains grew so large that, unlike in any other primate species, they often killed our mothers during childbirth. Naturally, these branches of the family died off, leaving only the wide-hipped mothers who were able to bear our big-brained ancestors. Why do men love wide-hipped women so much? Because we unconsciously know they will provide plenty of room for our big-brained children. Shake-shake your bootie!

Unfortunately, one of the side effects of having such a big sexy brain is that it seems increasingly likely to get us all killed. Unlike the peacock, who has to worry about only a few predators eating it before its time, every man must consider the possibility that any one of billions of his fellow men might come up with some harebrained scheme that will end all life as we know it. Besides using our brains for the admirable goal of finding the healthiest, funniest, most interesting mate, we have also used it extensively to figure out new and better ways to kill off our competition. This competition has included practically every other species on the planet, as well as man himself.

But the fact that witty, creative people turn us on has also led to some wonderful side effects. For every George Clooney and Marilyn Monroe, we’ve also inherited an Albert Einstein and Madame Curie. For every surgeon doing breast implants or facelifts there are hundreds repairing broken bones. Since we’re stuck with this relic of evolution we may as well do our best to enjoy it. So chill the champagne, light the candles, put on some romantic music, and have an all night intertwining of your hearts, your bodies, and, especially, your minds.