Questions about your life? Or the planet? Or why we’re all here? Or where that other sock got to? For thousands of years, a long arduous journey to visit an oracle has been one way humans have tried to get answers to all these unanswerable questions that just keep piling up like issues of that magazine you wanted a subscription to, but not badly enough to read any of them once they show up in the mailbox like a monthly reminder of your poor impulse control.

ASK THE ORACLE HOW TO GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER. Focus on your question and click the oracular stone below. What have you got to lose? (Well, ok, we don’t recommend asking the oracle if you should put your life savings into an investment instrument offered you by that lovely Mr. Ponzi everyone’s said so many nice things about at the last few neighborhood get-togethers. But that’s just us.)

My sources say no

Not satisfied with the answer you got? Enter your question in the comments section below and one of our certified (certifiable?) Funny Times Prognosticators will take up your question and give it their best shot, using a patented mix of cartomancy (look it up), vision quests (well, more like neighborhood wanders, with or without our pants on), tea leaf reading, and intoxicants. No question too odd! No answer too likely to be helpful!

Questions will be screened and approved before appearing, because apparently the human race isn’t yet ready for unmoderated discussion on the intertubes. Just relax, if it’s an interesting / compelling / bizarre question we’ll get cracking!

 

Your Funny Times Meddlers, err, Oracle Tenders

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