Schedule 1040-2026

It’s tax time again and that means everyone in the country with a job or income from “independent contracting”, like delivering pizzas to drunken frat boys every weekend, needs to file and pay their fair share to keep our Great Again Government (GAG) rampaging through urban cesspools for another year. All those masks for ICE and proprietary data for DOGE, as well as the missiles the Navy used to blow a bunch of fishing boats out of the Gulf of America didn’t come cheap, and this year’s Project 2026 playbook has even more costly improvements and incidentals planned. Tearing down and rebuilding the White House, so that it’s even whiter than ever, tearing down and rebuilding the Kennedy Trump Center so that even more central and, you know Trumptasstic, and tearing down and replacing the entire 250 year out of date socialist democracy with Great Again Government for All (GAGA) is not going to come cheap. And since the wealth and income of our most toady patriotic and richest Americans is off-limits for taxation for the obvious reason that they will need to invest it directly with our (GAG) Leader and his (GAG) Family our administration has come up a new and better way for all you suckers patriots to contribute the necessary funds to keep the country running until the finish line.

Yes, this might be the year when we are finally finished. But in order to get there, you need to complete this simplified 1040-2026 Tax Form, that each able bodied American, and especially all you sick, lazy bastards with funny sounding names who like eating weird smelling foods, will need to send to good old Uncle Sam Don this April.

1: Total every Netflix episode you watched this year that rolled over to the next unresolved episode that you swore you wouldn’t watch but then did anyway. Multiply by 5 and enter on line one.

2: Total the number of cups of coffee you drank after dinner, even though you knew it would keep you awake half the night. Multiply by the misery you felt the next day as you drank several more cups, trying to stay awake through another company training session about their new, don’t call it DEI anymore, policies. Just put 500 on line two.

3: Total the number of pints of ice cream you ate while obsessing over the end of everything about this country that you thought you knew and loved. Multiply by the angst you feel every time you look at the headlines in your news feed. Let’s just call it 300 for line three, the IRS will never check, we don’t even have anybody left to answer the phones.

4: Total number of times you’ve searched the internet to see how to move to Canada.

5: Subtract the number of hours you spent watching Fox News this year. If you don’t know how to subtract, enter zero (0).

6: How much do you have in your bank accounts? Enter total.

7: How much do you have remaining of your credit card limit? Enter total. Don’t forget to include that secret credit card that you have for all the purchases you don’t want anyone else to know about. Because we know about them. Wouldn’t it be ashamed if your family found out how you really spend your Saturdays “golfing”?

8: The IRS can’t possibly audit everyone who might be reporting estimates of expenses and other deductions that might be difficult to verify. Who can keep track of all those receipts, right? But, to make doubly sure that we don’t audit the wrong Americans, we’ve instituted our Naughty and Nice list. How much would you like to voluntarily donate to the Great America Government fund to make sure you don’t wind up on the wrong list? Remember, Big Santa is watching.

9: Almost done! Simply total all your entries and send a check for this amount to Donald J. Trump, (GAG) Treasurer. Or better yet simply transfer all your money and crypto to this World Liberty Financial account number: #T1. Then your worries about taxes will finally be over. Till next year.