I recently had a somewhat uncomfortable discussion about proper bathroom etiquette with my wife. No, it wasn't the argument that many couples have, about whether the toilet seat should be left up or down. My belief has been that since I go about four times as often as Sue does that the default position should be up. I lost that argument a long time ago.

Andy Borowitz is an acclaimed humorist whose column The Borowitz Report appears in every issue of Funny Times. In his recent discussion with Funny Times co-founder Ray Lesser, Borowitz shares how the current presidency is like Weekend at Bernie’s, the difficulties of changing leaders, and his prediction for how the current administration could end. Here are some excerpts from their discussion.

Andy Borowitz is a longtime friend of Funny Times and the creative mind behind The Borowitz Report. Here are some highlights from his discussion with Funny Times founder Ray Lesser.

I met Serah at a fern bar downtown. It was one of those devastatingly dark upscale dives, the dim recesses crammed with plastic plants, except for a few chameleon vines under grow lights in the window as a beacon to any pseudo-intellectual passing by looking for an oasis in the urban jungle. Serah was sitting at the bar, nursing a brightly colored pink mocktail, which matched her hair and lipstick. Her fingernails were long and black, as was her sequin trimmed synthetic outfit, and the head of the anaconda tattoo slithering out of her collar onto her neck. Her wrists were covered with translucent neon beads, and she wore two long strands of faux pearls around her neck.

Customers and employees at a shopping mall at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Anchorage, Alaska, were surprised when a black bear triggered the automatic doors and wandered in, stole a peach and defecated on the floor before leaving, KTUU reported on July 7.

Andy Borowitz is a longtime friend of Funny Times and the creative mind behind The Borowitz Report. Here are some highlights from his discussion with Funny Times founder Ray Lesser.

Earworms have the bad connotation of being tunes that gets stuck in your head and interfere with all rational thought. But back in the day we used to have a much more benign terminology that we used: "That's a catchy tune!" If you were a musician and you wrote a catchy tune that meant that you had a chance to make it "onto the charts" and maybe, with a little luck, even get your tune played on "top 40 radio".

Bob Eckstein and Lenore Skenazy, long-time contributors of Funny Times, are also the authors behind Inspired by Cats: Writers and their Mews(es) and Free Range Kids respectively. Here are some excerpts from their discussion with Funny Times editor Mia Beach:

A Wisconsin driver found out the hard way that "road closed" signs are there for a reason. According to UPI – and the Wisconsin Department of Transportation's May 22 social media post – a Milwaukee County driver not only encountered a "road closed" sign, but got out of their pickup truck, removed the sign and drove straight into freshly poured concrete. WDOT shared a photo of the truck's submerged tires and noted that the driver "cemented their inability to adhere to signs." Police and road crews had to employ heavy machinery to haul the truck out.

Bob Eckstein and Lenore Skenazy, long-time contributors of Funny Times, are also the authors behind Inspired by Cats: Writers and their Mews(es) and Free Range Kids respectively. Here are some excerpts from their discussion with Funny Times editor Mia Beach:

Motorists in France are driving more carefully after a warning from police: Watch out for inebriated wildlife. UPI reported on May 13 that a social media post from the police in the Saone-et-Loire region of north-central France showed deer running around erratically after consuming fermented fruit. "Not all road users are sober," the post said. "If Bambi overindulges on the forest aperitif, it might not be the time to drive like you own the road." Drivers were urged to keep an eye out for "sudden crossing, inconsistent trajectory, immobilization on the road [and] disorderly escape" from local wildlife.

There are a lot of chores that I'm perfectly happy to let someone else do for me. It's not that I'm incapable of doing many of them. Yes, I know how to mow my lawn, or fix a leaky faucet, or change the oil in my car. But is that really how I want to spend Saturday morning, when I could, instead be working on the crossword puzzle and counting how many charms are in a box of Lucky Charms? And maybe piling all the four-leaf-clovers into one significant spoonful, possibly enough to win the pot of gold at the end of the pick 6 rainbow with one swallow?