How Shall I Scam Thee?

How Shall I Scam Thee? (Sonnet 45-47)

How shall I scam thee? Let me count the ways.

I scam thee to the depth and breadth and height

of your stupidity

For whenever I have no liquidity

My empty soul and bank account is replenished

by your gullibility.

I scam thee to the level of every day’s

most quiet needs, with Trump Water, Vodka, and Steaks,

Camo Kitchen Dish Towels,

Stars and Stripes Throw pillows (half-price special break!)

I scam thee freely, my compliant prey.

I scam thee purely, as you sing my praise,

and fill your online shopping carts with

MAGA hats and golf shirts

Inaugural Fleece You Suckers Blankets

and Never Surrender Hi-top Gold (flavored) Sneakers

which will never touch the dirt I heap upon you followers.

I scam thee with the passion put to use

In my old grievances about stolen elections

and my inability to maintain an erection

or an insurrection

Still, I’ll happily take the cure, even as I let you risk

Covid infection.

I scam thee with a love I’ll never lose

unlike my bankrupted casinos and failed

Shuttle airline, football team, University,

mortgage company, GoTrump (not Travelocity)

and the ultimate scam of selling you ephemeral bytes

of NFT images and crypto currency

The Art of the Steal.

I scam thee with all my breath,

leers, and tears, and tiny piece of ear.

I scam thee and all you do is cheer

for all my life

and if God choose

I shall scam thee even better after death.

(Apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

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