Author of A Dad’s Purpose —
Bruce Cameron has been making Funny Times subscribers laugh since way back in January 2009. But is he really a funny guy? We decided to find out.
Funny Times: You’ve written the books 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter, also 8 Simple Rules For Marrying My Daughter, and now this new one: A Dad’s Purpose. When are you going to give your poor kids a break?
W. Bruce Cameron: When they finally admit that I’m right and they’re wrong.
FT: How’s that going?
WBC: So far not seeing much progress.
FT: What sort of things should a person consider before becoming a father?
WBC: First, are you a male? Because if you’re not, that can put a damper on your ambitions. Second, how old are you? If you’re six maybe wait a few years.
FT: Good advice. Anything else?
WBC: Ask yourself if you enjoy being broke. If you like lying awake at night worried sick because your child is ill or on a date or about to get a driver’s license. If you really, really want to spend years and years of selfless sacrifice for people who are going to yell “I hate you I hate you” and slam their bedroom doors. If instead of retiring you’d like to co-sign college loans. If the answer to all of these is “yes,” then you don’t understand the situation.
» » »
FT: So, another book with a dog on the cover. Can’t you come up with anything original?
WBC: Actually, that’s not a dog, that’s me.
FT: No way. We thought it was a Basset Hound.
WBC: What? A Basset has big floppy ears.
FT: A Basset with short, ugly ears, then. You sure it’s not a Basset?
WBC: Are you saying my ears are ugly?
FT: Are you saying your ears are attractive?
WBC: The answer is no, that’s not a dog on the cover.
» » »
FT: Supposedly you’re a world-renowned humorist, “Columnist of the Year” and “Benchley Award Winner” and all that. Your book 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter was a NY Times bestseller and was made into a TV show. Is this all true, or another one of your lies?
WBC: No, it’s true. Long before I wrote novels about animals I wrote humor columns.
FT: So you say. But isn’t it true that when your columns were read aloud to lab rats, none of them laughed?
WBC: Wait, rats? Rats don’t laugh.
FT: They laughed at Dave Barry.
WBC: Oh, come on.
FT: You seem pretty nervous. Is it because we’re getting so close to the truth?
WBC: This is the most ridiculous interview I’ve ever had.
FT: You think you’re so smart, but look at your hair.
WBC: My hair? What about Dave Barry’s hair?
FT: So now you insult a man so funny even rats think he’s hysterical.
WBC: I don’t think my hair should be a topic for discussion.
FT: If we had your hair that’s how we’d feel, too.
» » »
FT: Aside from children, you also talk about home ownership, pets, parents, technology — in essence, trappings of modern life. Are you pretending to be some sort of expert?
WBC: I think maybe having been in the trenches as a father gives me a certain perspective, yes.
FT: You raised your children in a trench?
WBC: What? No, I was just…
FT: We have your mother here, let’s see what she says.
WBC: Hi Mom.
Mom: I did what you told me but I still can’t get the DVD to play.
WBC: What does it say on your screen?
FT: So your poor mother is sitting there in the dark, huddled around her TV for warmth, and you won’t even tell her how to play her DVD?
WBC: That’s not what’s happening.
Mom: Your friends are so funny!
WBC: Mom, can I call you back? I’m sort of busy at the moment.
FT: Our big parenting expert doesn’t even have time for his own mother. Ma’am, you are a saint.
Mom: Thank you. Also he forgets to call me sometimes and I worry.
WBC: Mom …
Mom: He is not a good driver. His poor wife.
» » »
That’s all the time we have today. Our guest has been W. Bruce Cameron, who is a #1 New York Times bestselling author despite the way he writes. His newest book is A Dad’s Purpose and is found exclusively online in both ebook and print editions. Supposedly it’s hilarious, though we didn’t read it because we were sort of turned off by the photograph of the Basset Hound on the cover due to what somebody did to its ears. Kirkus says the book is “consistently funny.”